Bad Men in Wonderland

This general assumption that every single man is a pedophile is ridiculous.

Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland was born to the public in 1865. Since then, it has been translated into over 170 languages. Its author Lewis Carroll (Charles Lutwidge Dodgson) has been acclaimed for writing the most magnificent and timeless children’s book in history, but he has also been regarded for a controversial relationship with children. Today, many scholars are studying this matter in an attempt to determine whether Carroll was a pedophile.

If hundreds of scholars and academics have not been able to find out Carroll´s sexual appetites or perversions, I won’t be the one to express an opinion on that matter. However, I can very well have a rant about a harmful attitude society has towards men in their relationship with children.

Alice Lindell was four when she was introduced to Carroll. I know that because I have watched a BBC documentary (The Secret World of Lewis Carroll) in which no later than its 1:58 minute, a love affair between them two is speculated. It only takes one more minute to state that definitely the pictures Carroll took of children—he was a very talented photographer—would make obvious to anyone that his relationship with children was inappropriate.

In my printed copy of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland the introduction dedicates 75 percent of Carroll´s life section to elaborate on the assumption of his pedophilia. It is not my intention here to defend Carroll nor to accuse him of anything. But I would like to point out that considering Carroll a pedophile seems to have been given as much weight as his literary and academic achievements.

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I don’t find suspicious or terribly wrong if a stranger grown up man comes and shows a friendly attitude to my own child.

One hundred and fifty years back in the future, I call an airline customer service to inquire about their unaccompanied minor service. My son is traveling alone for the first time. I feel confident he would be OK; he is used to traveling by plane and loves it. Also, I have been a cabin attendant in a big airline and am familiar with the security processes regarding minors traveling alone. Nonetheless I inquire about their protocol, which is reported to me very kindly by their staff. Among the information and as the last line I am told that no male passenger would be seated beside my son.

Let me move back again in time about ten years from then. I was working onboard a plane and we were assisting an unaccompanied minor who was seated by a young couple. The gentleman was seated right beside him and he was playing with the child. One of my colleagues took me to the back and asked me in a worried tone if we should change the child to a better seat. I was puzzled, “what do you mean by a better seat?” He looked at me and asked me if I did not find suspicious that a grown up man was so happily playing with a kid. The fact is: I did not.

I don’t find suspicious or terribly wrong if a stranger grown up man comes and shows a friendly attitude to my own child. I do not find suspicious if a male friend plays a physical game with my child, neither do I find suspicious or worrisome if he is hugged or kissed. I actually believe that most men are good men and would protect my child rather than being perverts sexualising my offspring and looking for an occasion to abuse him.

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Although I do not hold a mild opinion about the punishment deserved by pedophiles, and I can see myself pouring all my rage and violence over a pervert, shall they touch my children, with no second thoughts or shade of regret afterward, this general assumption that every single man is a pedophile is ridiculous.

Men are tacitly accused of one of the most atrocious crimes simply for their male condition.

Lewis Carroll might have or might not have been a pedophile, we will never know, but the evidence gathered to prove it has been presented either out of context or based on his liking on children, as well as his physical contact with them which involved hugging and kissing as far as we know. Unfortunately, I know what is sexual abuse. I also know what is to be hugged and kissed (lots!) by men as a kid, and the later never constituted any sort of abuse but a very loving attitude which I appreciated then and still warms my heart.

To assume that the male passenger who seats right by my son in a plane is a pedophile by default seems too harsh. We all want to protect our children from harm, but with this attitude, we are telling our children that men are bad and they are going to hurt you. Any men, any moment. That is not the truth.

I am not going to deny that the danger is out there and we must be responsible for our children, but we are literally saying that having a penis directly entitles you to be a sexual abuser of children —or anyone else for the matter. We are reducing a human being to a mere subject and/or object of sexual perversion.

Men are tacitly accused of one of the most atrocious crimes simply for their male condition. This harmful assumption needs to end, it is hostile and it is not common sense. Men relationship with children will be different than that of women, we are built to improve their development in different ways. But that doesn’t mean a man cannot have a healthy liking in children that involves care, respect, and protection. To think otherwise it would be madness.

I refuse to accept that tacit hostility against any men is a good means of protection.